One cold December day in Chicago, I was waiting to cross Garfield Boulevard, the street in front of Visitation Catholic School where I was working as a Dominican Volunteer, when the teacher I worked with jokingly shouted, “Let’s make a run for it!” as cars rushed towards us.
“Go ahead if you want,” I replied, “but I value my life!”
We laughed as we continued to wait and watch the stream of cars fly by, but behind my laughter, I couldn’t help but feel a rush of pride in my ability to speak those words aloud: “I value my life.”
There was a time when I really believed I would never be happy. I didn’t feel like I had a purpose. I woke up most days feeling undeserving of the things I had and I wondered if I would ever feel like I offered anything to the world.
By the time I reached college, I had come a long way from where I was back then; but at times, I still felt like something was missing. I wanted to take action and contribute something in a way I had never had the time or courage to do before.
As a teacher’s assistant in a fourth and fifth grade classroom, my work could still sometimes feel small, especially when the kids continued to get in trouble for behavioral problems. However, I was still happy because every once in a while, I was shown by the kids how much of a difference I really made to them. For example, after giving a small lesson on the solar system at the end of the day to the fourth graders, one girl came up to me afterwards and said, “I really like science when you teach it, Ms. Emili!”
On another day, I was working with a fourth grade boy who struggled with several subjects due to a learning disability. We had been working on his self-esteem before schoolwork because he got discouraged quite easily. On this day however, we were filling out a worksheet. In between questions, he asked if I would remember him after I left Chicago. I told him I would because I cared about him. He then said, “Good, because I’ll remember you forever!”
These moments capture why I became a Dominican Volunteer. By serving others, I found purpose. If I can make a difference in one or two lives, I have contributed something, however small. I don’t have to change the world as long as I can change someone’s world in some way. Hearing those kind words from the fourth graders made me more fully realize my value as I continued to do the work through Dominican Volunteers. It could be frustrating, stressful, and occasionally maddening, but moments like these made it worthwhile. And I am happy. I value my life.